i feel stupid and ridiculous doing this, but i guess im a stupid and ridiculous person. the general gist of it is that: if youre seeing this page, im probably not coming back.
i say probably because who knows, i wouldnt put it past my pathetic self to do something as horrible as leave a note and come back afterwards, but i want to hope that ill have the sense to stop the tweet from being posted and delete this if i dont go.
i didnt want to stay a fuckup and for that to be my permanent, most lasting image, but i guess that, when i realized how many time had passed and how much id lived already, i figured out there was probably nothing to be done about that. i am a fuckup. i was born a fuckup. my parents knew, my family knew. i grew up as one, blaming everyone around me for hating me when it was all my fault all along.
i left a lot of unfinished business behind. typical of me. i chose no other path but label myself a mistake and a pathetic, horrible person and live as one instead of trying to correct my crooked character, and ironically, that in itself cemented that image, which i hated. i wanted to be cool. i wanted to be loved above all. but i couldnt, because i was horrible. i was unimportant, and a disappointment to those kind enough to take notice of me.
apologies dont fix anything, but, straying true to my nature, i would like to apologize. im sorry. im truly, deeply sorry. and it means nothing, but i am still.
the day i lost my job and went away, i saw so many wonderful replies to me. i felt immensely loved. it was the feeling i had been chasing for so long... so thank you for that love.
im so sorry. thank you for bearing with me.